stepping back

lauren putting on makeup. santa fe, new mexico.
© kevin t vu

having a photographic vision is definitely something that i am consistently thinking of. and as i reflect more on it, i realize that my photographic vision comes from who i am as a person, and not who i am as a photographer.

by taking a step back, i am better able to look at myself comprehensively. the decisions on who i surround myself with, what foods i enjoy eating, what clothes i wear, what type of art i’m interested in, etc. all have an impact on who i am. and i ask myself, why do i wear those clothes, why do i hang out w/ those people, why do i eat what i eat, why do i like that genre of art? my answers define the quality of life that i live and in turn define the quality of imagery that i put out.

the food that i enjoy eating elicit an emotion from me. when i plow into a good bowl of soulful chicken soup, i’m instantly taken home. the clothes that i wear are clean, simple and classic, i try not to follow the short-term cultural trends.  i love the visceral despair, ecstasy and drama of a caravaggio painting.  my close friends are amazingly loyal, trustworthy and deeply passionate about life.  (the words in bold are parameters for my vision and my brand)

you have to take the step back and see what you are saying with your life, only then can you really say anything with your photography.  this is where i want my vision to be.  my vision is a record of how i live my life.  i only hope that i can refine my vision enough to run parallel w/ how i live life and vice versa.

“I remember one of my friends saying to me ‘oh yeah, you just went to ny, you got lucky right?  you just got lucky?’  and he’s a photographer too and that comment gets me! There’s no such thing as luck for a start, you create your own. i just thought, well, you could look at it that way, but it wasn’t and you should try it and see…  You gotta be passionate about what you do, you really do.  Cause people notice it.. and they respect it. Its a very powerful drive to have.  It makes you sleep well at night if you do stuff you’re happy with that you’re making and achieving.”

- ben watts

forksheds

people relaxing by a tree. laguna beach, ca.
© kevin t vu

its been a consistent month of work for me and i’ve started to realize that i’ve made some in-roads in the photo community of LA. its been a bit arduous and slow, but i’m getting there.

as this is happening, i’ve also been in talks w/ a photographer in chicago who needs a full-time assistant. this is where the dilemma comes in. do i pick up and go or do i keep scratching and clawing here in LA. both offer great opportunities, but i need to see what’s best for my work and personality.

i cant complain as both are great options either way.

i’ve been reading rodney smith’s blog recently. if you dont know him, then go to his website now! his work is whimsical and has a timeless quality to it. the way he uses graphical/textual elements in his new book is wonderfully fluid!

there has been one entry that has really stuck w/ me.

“To say a photographer has a vision is to say the photographer has something unique to say about the world.  Why do some photographers have something unique to say, when so many others just shoot pictures that are general and lacking vision?  Most people would say it has to do with talent.  Maybe.  But maybe not.  Maybe it has nothing to do with talent.  Maybe it has to do with the ability to express one’s feelings.  The person who presents a strong vision has figured out a way to express his or her feelings, while others are struggling to do that.  Talent, then becomes not so much artistic talent, though that may be a good part of it, but rather emotional talent.”

What i have come to realize is that I could never be a documentary photographer.  I am run on my emotions.  People who meet me and who know my imagery find it perplexing.  They see a happy person and wonder why I have such dark imagery.  But that’s because they don’t know all the aspects of my personality.  The reason I shoot the way I do is because I’m traveling on this path that I have for myself, and it has, at times, been a very isolated road.  My work deals with personal issues in context to what is happening around me.  Its my view of how I see what is going on around me.  Seems a bit selfish, but I just can’t help it.  Its how I see the world.

keep on keeping on

lauren in the garden.
© kevin t vu

living the life or trying to live the life of a photographer is not easy. one that many know, either through their own experiences or through their relationships. yet still, so many try to live it. why is that? in this economic state, is there still a romantic association w/ the job?

we were raised to have hopes and dreams and pursuing those goals is a heroic endeavor. but where do we draw the line and realize that we also have to survive physical existence. how do we balance between idealism and realism?

its a hard task to accomplish and some do it better than others. but those that can’t, what happens in the confines of the mental space can be excruciating.

so i make sure to keep moving. but sometimes i find myself idle and the doubts, confusion and hesitation creeps in.

that’s when i realize that i’m carrying a psychological sledgehammer, for those ‘just in case moments’ that i find myself in.

the ‘psychological sledgehammer’ is the community i am surrounded by. the people that help me to keep moving forward. the ones that get me excited about photography, about life. the ones that will help me in whichever way they can because they truly care about me. they recognize the times when i need to be called out on my self-loathing and the other times where i just need a friend. and of course, its a reciprocal relationship.

those are the people that you want to surround yourself with. (and that’s not just talking about photography, that’s about life in general.)

work

No new pictures to be posted because I’ve sold the Nikon and am now cameraless at the moment.  I’ve been starting to work more consistently these days.  I’ve been rotating my time between Frank Ockenfels, Embry Rucker and Art Streiber.

Consistently still means, however, that I do have a crapload of free time on my hands.  So I try to get my own work done, mostly sitting in front of the computer for ages and reading, trying to find stories that might be interesting for me or random photographic news about the new firmware update for the canon 5d mkii.

i might have a new project that claudia got me on board with.  i might be documenting a car rally that goes through 11 eastern european countries.  claudia was gonna do it, until she realized that she would be 6 months into her pregnancy if she did.  so she referred me to the organizers.  i love the community that i’m a part of.  i’m surrounded by people like claudia that helps me w/ ideas, frustrations and life.

i couldn’t be where i am now without the help of so many people.  thank you all!

up & down

caballero passing on the road. mexico. from ‘el laberinto’ series.

 

life has been hard and i dont think it’s going to get any easier. but i’ve been fortunate in my life to have a community that is enduring. trying to make it in photography is arduous. so i make sure to have a community of family and peers that will help me keep the faith, the faith in my vision and the faith that my passion with get me somewhere.

you need the belief that your passion and vision will last the purge. i’ve doubted so many times this past year. (just look at my previous post.)  but when i’ve gotten close to the edge, something/someone has always come to take me back. its about survival and scrapping it out for now. doing whatever is needed of you/me, be it getting coffee or taking out the trash for someone or some photographer. do it with passion and joy and people will see it.  but remember, do it with purpose.  dont ever be complacent about where you are in life.  

i was taught some valuable lessons from my football coaches during high school.  one of them was: ‘never settle for mediocrity.’